Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Breaking the Ice

Five days without a blog, I feel terrible.

When I started this blogging thing, the first challenge that presented itself to me was whether I have what it takes to consistently keep the energy level needed to sustain it. I wouldn't want my blog to start with a bang and end with a whimper. Before I made the decision to do this, I did some scouting myself. From random viewing of various sites, I found beautiful, well-organized and intelligent ones, which honestly pricked my self-confidence, but I tried not to get overwhelmed with my creeping insecurity, which almost always seems to be the case whenever I realized that the world is so full of people who are much better writers and immensely more intelligent than myself, actually, to say more intelligent would be putting it mildly. Some are simply freaking geniuses they make me feel like some hopeless moron, which I probably am.

Anyway, what upset me even more so was finding too many neglected and abandoned blogsites. They remind me of the lonely grave that no one cares to visit. The comparison is morbid and I do admit I am exaggerating a little bit but do you get what I mean? All I'm trying to say is that it's going to be really sad and tragic to begin a blog and then walk away from it forever and just let it go to waste like the grave that practically disappeared because someone let the bushes grow. I will never be able to forgive myself for letting that kind of thing happen, if in case it does. No, I won't allow it. My blogsite is never going to be the lonely grave that no one wants to visit.

So I will always keep in mind that if I would allow myself to lay off the computer, or hibernate from all writing activity whenever I feel like it, there is a chance I might get used to it and go on a slump for stretches lasting days or weeks, then months, and before I knew it, I would've given up trying to put something on my site altogether. The temptation to take a break is always there and it's up to us to choose whether to succumb to it or to fight the urge to give up. Given the choice, I would rather prefer to fight. The problem is that sometimes, the heart and the mind are simply not there to let us do the fighting, no matter how hard we try.

So what do you do when faced with such difficulies? Well sometimes, it is important to be able to know where to find the well of our inner strength and draw something from that well, to fill the need to spur us into meaningful action, that is often times the precursor of every accomplishment.

I tried doing that by relying on the fallback provided by personal experience. By visiting places that somewhere back in time made a huge impact to both my conscience and my consciousness, by bringing up the past, to search the particular person, the emotion, or the memory that left an indelible mark, I can at least give myself the fair chance to overcome moments of lack of motivation and desire. In my case, I often translate this into physical activity and take long walks along familiar places in my part of town, as this never fails to agitate that part of myself that knows the value and wouldn't let go of the past, where every moment is kept in reserve, and always available to be revived when the present just wouldn't provide any escape from this feeling of helplessness. A long walk at times can do wonders.

A friend once told me that the nerves of the feet are directly connected all the way up to the brain. Which is why, according to him you just have to keep walking to stimulate within the brain all the necessary creative impulses. I wouldn't go as far as say that this is true or that there is really a scientific explanation to support the idea. However, the long walks have done miracles to my life. They not only provided inspiration but probably saved me from making bad decisions, by cleansing my heart and my head of negative thoughts. I intend to continue walking as often as I can and as far as I can go. Afterall, we'll never know what miracles await us just around the corner.